Aditi Panda

The understanding between older and younger generations in a household makes inter state matrimony work.

India is recognized for its vast diversity and rich cultural inheritance. The ethnicity, languages and customs of two places is at times so severe and rigid that it is difficult to think that we all stay in the same country. The personality and nature of an individual has the imprint of the habits inculcated since childhood and with resemblance to the significant traits of the region that one belongs to.

Mixed opportunities lead to newer possibilities

Nowadays the interstate movement has increased due to education and job related transfers which has also amplified the possibilities and opportunities for interstate marriages. Obviously with the youth moving places for various reasons and interacting with people from different backgrounds and places, the chances of getting hitched with a partner belonging to a completely different background are more. That is why we see an increasing number of mixed culture couples entering matrimony since last few years.

Changed perception of family and kin

There is a mixed reaction to this changing trend but it’s good to see the older generation slowly shed their inhibitions and authoritarian stance to accommodate the gennext. Normally in situations like this the couple faces stern parental displeasure and social disapproval. After the parents agree many a times the new bride finds it difficult to adjust with the new traditions and the husbands’s kin.

“Every family has their own conduct and rituals even though they belong to the same state. The new bride has to adapt herself as per the new family and the new family also has to help her in this process. Earlier the expectations from the new bride were preset and she had to match the high benchmark to get accepted. But now the situation has changed and the in-laws also go out of way to make the new bride comfortable “, feels Srishti Deshmukh Mohanty a bride of eleven months.

A little adjustment from either sides leads to prolong happiness

Generally there is inertia in adapting something new as people hesitate to accept change. It is tough to make way for other culture that you are following since you enter this world. “Adjustments are a part of life. If you come to a decision that the happiness of your children is important then nothing else matters and you consent to their choice easily. Both my grandsons bought home brides from two corners of India. Initially there was a language barrier and food habits were a major issue. But slowly we learnt the nuances of their traditions and taught them ours”, said Puspamitra Pani.

Variety in traditions adds essence to unity in diversity

“Traditions and cultures are never bad and it is their interpretation that makes them good or bad because we use them to suit our whims and fancy. If every family welcomes the new culture with an open mind then it’s easy to adjust. Originally we belong to Rajasthan but our generations have settled in Odisha. My daughter married a Haryanvi and my son married a girl from Bangalore. To balance this multi state relation we follow the doable culture from all four states. As it is children stay away and we only meet at important family functions but even then we celebrate all festivals. It’s better to let go of things than to ruin the relation”, admits Meena Agarwal.

“When these customs and traditions were made the situation was different .Women were homemakers and had abundant domestic help. But today girls are working and have become independent as well as have an opinion. When we want our daughters to be loved and accepted as the way she is then we should also have the same attitude towards the daughter in law. Instead of forcing the age-old practises we should give some independence to the new girl who is already changing her life style to fit into her new family. No custom is above the harmony and joy of the home”, shares Aparna Ghoshal.

The older generation has slowly realised the mantra to maintain peace and equilibrium of the house. The onus also lies on the young couples who should value the trust showed by the elders and meet them mid way to maintain the happiness and satisfaction of the family.

(Aditi is a freelance writer and pursues interest in the area of social issues)


  1. I agree with the writer’s perception. Mine is an inter state marriage. My sister started the trend. Most of my cousins have done so. It’s actually fun and interesting and there is so much to learn and imbibe about our wonderful diversity India is so rich in diversity not many nations worldwide can boast of. So instead of shunning it we should embrace it whole heartedly. Remember we all are Indians first and foremost then belong to our respective states. Marrying someone from other state comes with its challenges but the gains far outstrip the teething issues. I am very happy to be a part of a very cosmopolitan family as it has made me broadminded, confident and more adaptable.

  2. Yes today a lot of couples are apprehensive about the partners culture but then marriage is adjustment, be it love or arranged and if every member of the family decides to cope up then it should not be a problem. Everybody waits for the other to take the first step and that’s when sometimes problems crop up.
    Mitali Agarwal, From Ranchi on whatsap

  3. Interstate marriage can be successful if both the elders and youngsters coordinate. Today the elders have actually become more flexible and the youngsters have to take a call. Career is important but to make a marriage work you have to nurture it and fulfil some duties at least. Things have become so much easier than the time we were young and had to obediently listen to everything. But now the restrictions have almost gone.
    Sahana Ali, Delhi, whatsapp

  4. To be a true Indian, exposure to various customs, traditions is essential as Indian culture changes drastically with every 100km of travel. With technology advancing at a rapid pace, the world has shrunk considerably. Trivial differences of languages and communication has also been eliminated by Google 🙂
    With Indian IT professionals globe trotting, they expect social acceptance from the locals for a harmonious existence. Likewise, Indians should start accepting Indians from other states with open arms. Else it’s plain hypocritical.
    Importantly, all customs and traditions are basically the same if taken symbolically. The older generation was used to following traditions without much questioning and the younger generation tries to shun traditions under the guise of inconvenience. A balance should be maintained to ensure a win-win for both generations. Happiness should be the focus and not ego.